Focus on Common Sense Rather than Cleverness

 

 Helpful Hints From Harmony

Life is Good When You Live in Harmony

Life Lessons from a simpler place and a slower pace.

Hint #5:  Focus on Common Sense Rather than Cleverness

 

 “Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.

"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."

"And he has Brain."

"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."

There was a long silence.

"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything.” A. A. Milne

* * *

This is wild blackberry season here in Harmony.  I love the challenge of gathering them, and I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at it.

Last year about this time, we hosted a reception for 100 people to celebrate my son Paul’s leaving for a church mission to Chile.  My wife thought it would be a great idea to serve them wild blackberry cobbler.

What was she thinking?

 

 

Do you have any idea how many wild blackberries you have to pick to serve cobbler to 100 people?

A lot!

An awful lot!

So many, in fact, that I attended the reception with a purple index finger and a purple thumb.

I looked like I had just voted in a third-world election.
 

People asked me, “Why do you go to all the trouble?  It sure seems like a lot of blood, sweat, and tears for a small reward.”

Sometimes I ask myself the same question.  Here are my top four reasons:

1.      They taste good.

2.      They’re free; you don’t even have to grow them.

3.      I love the challenge.

4.      I get back to common sense when I’m out there in the blackberry patch.

I may have the numbers out of order.  Number 4 may be the most important.

Picking blackberries is slow, tedious work.  You can’t rush.  If you try to hurry, you end up hurting yourself. Slowing down, I have learned, does something wondrous for the soul — and the brain.  It takes you back to common sense.

There’s a lot to be said for common sense. In a world of iPhones and Blackberries, Twitter and Facebook, we are awash in information.  We are drowning in data. This can be dangerous.  “Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. They listen so much that they forget to be natural.”  Gertrude Stein.

Information overload can produce the result described by the Apostle Paul: "ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”  2 Timothy 3:7. 

There’s an old Persian proverb that says, “One pound of learning requires ten pounds of common sense to apply it.”  Those long, hot hours in the blackberry patch allow me to review all the learning in my head, connect all the disparate pieces, and turn them into something useful. 

Years ago, someone asked a college professor I admired how she created such wise and masterful lectures.  I’ve long treasured her answer:  “I read myself full and then I think myself straight.”

I suspect she wasn’t a blackberry picker, but I’m certain she had a quiet place where all the ideas and information she had gathered could be sifted, sorted, and straightened.  I’m sure she took the time to ponder, explore new possibilities, and ask herself incisive questions.  And then listen to her own answers.  It takes slow time in a quiet place for that to happen.

It has been my experience that without time in the blackberry patch or on a wooded trail, I get stuck in the immediate and the trivial, and I can’t see the big picture and the grand possibilities. 

However, when I step away from my computer and slow down for a while, I experience breakthrough thinking.  Common sense kicks in and things shift just the way Madeleine d’Engle described it:  "Things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along." 

It happened like that yesterday, right in the middle of a thicket of blackberry bushes.  Riddles I have been wrestling with for weeks were solved and all the pieces of a difficult puzzle fell into place.  The answers had been obvious all along but I couldn’t see them. 

Here’s to common sense.

And blackberries.

 

 

Focus on Direction rather than Speed

Helpful Hints from Harmony

Life is Good When You Live in Harmony

 (A word of explanation: I live in a little place called Harmony, Florida, where life is a bit slower and nature is right outside our door. I’m also familiar with another Harmony, which isn’t a place at all but a way of being. This year I’d like to share 12 simple lessons I’ve learned from my time in Harmony.)

 Hint #4:  Focus on Direction Rather than Speed.

When it comes to road trips and living with joy and fulfillment, an average compass is more valuable than a superior speedometer.

Nothing is more disheartening on a road trip than getting lost.   I can clearly recall the frustration of getting disoriented or “turned around” in some cities, and how vulnerable and stupid I felt in those moments.  Nothing seemed to make sense and every move I made seemed to create more confusion.

Getting lost in the journey of life is like that.  On those occasions when I lost my sense of direction and purpose, the world seemed gray and every turn seemed to take me nowhere.  I felt insecure and I worried that others could easily take advantage of me.  Until I got my bearings, life was a blur and all progress stopped.

That’s why one of the keys to a successful life is getting clear about where we are and where we should be going.  Stephen R. Covey described this as making sure our ladder is leaning against the right wall.  “If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.”

Then we must periodically confirm that the way we are going is taking us toward our vision and dreams.  We need to check our compass from time to time and adjust our path.  Otherwise, as Lao Tzu warned, “if you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”

As long as we are moving forward on the right trail, it is seldom helpful to stew about the pace. 

I have to admit that I have spoiled many a family trip over the years by obsessing over how quickly we were “getting there.” 

“No, we can’t stop and see that.  If we do, we’ll never get there.”

“Yes, I’m sure that would be interesting, but it’s a bit out of the way.”

“I know you’re hungry but we have just a couple of hours before we get to our hotel.”

At this stage of my life, I try to remember that worrying over velocity is a happiness-inhibitor.  That’s because the joy is in the journey, not in “arriving” and absolutely NOT in arriving sooner. 

The truth is we never do arrive — at least not in this life. Happiness is a direction, not a place.  The renowned American jurist Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. observed, “The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving.”  

As we journey through life, we will reach meaningful milestones from time to time.  Reaching them re-energizes us and helps us appreciate our progress. We should celebrate those moments but we must resist the temptation to camp there, thinking we’ve reached the end of the road.  I’ve met people who’ve never moved beyond the day they were homecoming queen or captain of the high school football team.   

So while speed doesn’t matter, movement does.  The essence of life is movement.  Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”  The minute we throw away our compass and decide that life holds no further adventure for us, we are doomed by our own self-fulfilling prophesy.  We condemn ourselves to a dull and adventure-less existence. “If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine.  It is lethal.”  Paulo Coelho.

As for myself, I intend to enjoy the journey and relish the adventure. I intend to love my fellow travelers and help them in any way I can.  I intend to consult my compass from time to time and move steadily in the direction of my dreams. 

I intend to stay alive my entire life.

Thus will I arrive fully prepared for the great adventure that lies beyond. 

Focus on Giving, Part 2--The Harmony/Main Street Experiment

Helpful Hints from Harmony

“Life is Good When You Live in Harmony”

(A word of explanation: I live in a little place called Harmony, Florida, where life is a bit slower and nature is right outside our door. I’m also familiar with another Harmony, which isn’t a place at all but a way of being. This year I’d like to share 12 simple lessons I’ve learned from my time in Harmony.)

Helpful Hint #3: Focus on Giving, Part 2—The Harmony/Main Street Experiment

Last month I wrote that the happiest people on earth consistently give of themselves to serve the needs of others. I noted the sweet and ironic arithmetic of mindful giving: that both the giver and the receiver are added to and edified by the process.

I’d like to continue that theme in this month’s article by telling you about an experiment I have been conducting with Ryan Ponsford.

Ryan is a financial advisor from Carlsbad, California. He’s a creative genius as well as a generous giver, and I’ve learned much from him.

Ryan and I both work with high net worth families. We’ve each observed that one of the most effective ways to impact the often-jaded lives of affluent teenagers and young adults is through hands-on involvement in philanthropic giving and community service.

That observation led us to a question: Could the lives of teenagers and young adults from "Main Street" be similarly changed by experiencing the giving side of philanthropy, by becoming "philanthropists in training?"

To answer that question, Ryan and I designed a rather sophisticated experiment. We envisioned a process that would bring together small teams of students, their classroom teacher, a financial/philanthropic mentor, generous donors, and front-line charities, all of whom would benefit from this collaboration.

We created a lively ten-week curriculum designed to give young people a real-world immersion in smart charitable giving. The course of study allows students to identify their philanthropic passions; learn group dynamics by working in teams; research and evaluate local charities; raise some of their own money so they have some “skin in the game;” interview donors, volunteers, board members, and employees of charitable organizations; and make a meaningful donation to the non-profits they selected.

Next we formed a 501(c)(3) organization called Main Street Philanthropy. Its purpose is to develop and inspire the next generation of philanthropists by helping teenagers and young adults experience the joy of giving and serving. See www.MainStreetPhil.org.

We contacted generous clients and asked them if they would provide money so each student in our programs could give away a few hundred dollars of real money as a “grant” to a qualified charity of his or her choice in their community. They agreed to fund the experiment.

We also approached forward-thinking teachers and school administrators in Central Florida and Southern California, seeking a laboratory for our project. They said yes. They recognized that this approach just might be a catalyst for an enriching educational experience going well beyond prepping for the state exams.

Then it was time to introduce our fledgling program to actual students. We wondered how teenagers in today’s texting-video game culture would react to our model.

I’m excited to report that our ideas really grabbed their attention and captured their imaginations. Here’s how one student at Harmony High described her introduction to Main Street Philanthropy in her blog:

Setting the scene: a wide-eyed teacher walks into the room with an excited air about him. The teacher, Mr. Hansen, exclaims to our class that we are about to take an incomparable charitable journey.

The class as a whole says nothing, but just stares at him, awaiting more information about this “philanthropic masterpiece of a program” that he seems so eager to begin. Expecting to hear the mundane community service ploy, there isn't an awful lot of excitement. However, instead of going on to glorify another dull service project, Mr. Hansen explains a brand-new concept — Main Street Philanthropy.

The basis of Main Street Philanthropy is that generous donors give money to students for charitable donations. The students learn to donate with knowledge and come across more charities in their local area. Our class was to be the pilot in this area. Let the pressure ensue.

The class as a whole was in awe (which doesn't happen often because OBVIOUSLY teenagers know everything about everything); it was such a new, fresh, and modern way to participate in philanthropic activity. Instead of just being bystanders without the means to be active in donation, we, as high-schoolers had the ability to affect the progress of a group of our own choosing.

Launching the program was exciting and teaching was a blast! Ryan and I loved our roles as philanthropic mentors to the imaginative and energetic students in our respective schools. Their passion for discovering and supporting local charities whose missions aligned with theirs was infectious. We relished each of the weekly sessions.

One of the tools we used in the program was a set of 20 cards visually portraying areas of charitable opportunity or concern. We called them “Make A Difference” cards, but the students quickly dubbed them “MAD Cards.” (My talented daughter Elisabeth from Wilson, North Carolina, created the beautiful artwork for them. Thanks, Elisabeth!)

These cards helped them think about what causes they wanted to get involved with and then helped them identify local organizations that work to address those issues. The simple process of selecting their top three choices out of 20 had an amazing impact on the students. One girl wrote:

My experience using the MAD (Make a Difference) cards was great. I noticed something I didn't have clear in my mind, and that was the urge and desire to help others and contribute to making a difference in the world.

Another student had a similar experience:

I learned from the MAD cards that every single human can make a difference in someone’s life in a positive way. I learned that a lot of other people need help in our world. I learned that I have the ability to make a difference in someone’s life.

We discovered within these young people a deep yearning to make a difference in their communities AND to also make a difference within themselves. One of our students, writing about her hopes for the program said:

I hope to gain a sense of selflessness and to learn more of how I could give back to people who need more than I do. As cheesy as this sounds, I hope I become a better person. Sometimes I feel a bit selfish in certain aspects of my life so I hope I can make a change.

As the weeks progressed, we observed an amazing growth of understanding, maturity, and responsibility in our classes. Their blogs contained statements like this:

We have begun to learn what it truly feels like to give, along with the most responsible way of doing so. Through this project I hope to gain a better understanding of the way in which charities function, as well as a taste of what effect I can have on my community. I believe that this program will also give me a better understanding of the value of a dollar and teach me the importance of supporting our community.

And this:

I cannot wait until Mr. Scott returns this week to continue on with the process, to gain experiences that I would not encounter without the help of Main Street Philanthropy. I want to inspire my peers to help others without an expectation of something in return. I want to make a difference in the community, hopefully being a catalyst in the start of something incredible.

The climax of each program was the day our students presented checks to their favorite charitable organizations in our communities. Our donors sometimes joined the group to see first-hand the results of their generosity. There were lots of tears, and a profound sense of satisfaction. As one young participant commented, "I never knew giving away money could be so hard . . . or so much fun!"

The money given to worthy local charities made a big difference in our communities. But just as big, or maybe even bigger, was the impact in the students’ lives. Consider this observation by a teenager wise beyond her years:

When you change your focus from self to others, you see the positive results of charitable giving. This reminded me of the impact that philanthropy can have on not only the cause being donated to, but also the person donating. Through this program I have been able to see both sides of that impact as we work towards the educated donating of our time and money.

As Ryan and I talked with students and teachers, reviewed student blogs, and evaluated follow-up questionnaires, we could see that THOUGHTFUL GIVING PRODUCES PROFOUND TRANSFORMATION. Minds are opened, possibilities are explored, imaginations are ignited, help is given, hearts are touched, and lives are focused and energized.

In the midst of the program, one young man described the changes he saw in his classmates and felt within himself.

My heart truly beats to put a smile on a hungry child's face or a blanket over a cold woman's shoulder. I am very thankful to be involved in Main Street Philanthropy, as it will benefit everyone involved. There is a heartbeat drumming up in this team to help those who cannot provide for themselves. It is a very beautiful thing happening at Harmony High School, courtesy of Main Street Philanthropy.

Ryan and I learned that “becoming a philanthropist” created a spark of hope, engagement, and excitement in the members of our classes. Our students developed greater confidence, accountability, and direction. They grew in their understanding of group dynamics, leadership, and important financial concepts. Our experiment showed that WHEN WE GIVE, IT CHANGES US!

One of the secrets to the success of this approach is that it first allows each student to discover their passion and then empowers them to act on that discovery. The genius of the Main Street Philanthropy program is that it embodies the wisdom expressed by Howard Thurman:

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”

THUS, OUR REAL WORK AT MAIN STREET PHILANTHROPY IS TO CHANGE TEENAGERS AND YOUNG ADULTS, HELPING THEM COME ALIVE WITH PASSION AND PURPOSE. THEY, IN TURN, WILL THEN CHANGE THE WORLD WITH THEIR GENEROSITY AND SERVICE.

The results of our experiment were everything we could have dreamed they would be. One of our students described his initial skepticism and subsequent excitement with Main Street Philanthropy:

When I first heard of this off-the-wall idea I thought, “This can't be real,” but I am here to tell you that it is! I never thought I would get this much learning experience out of this program, not because I had low expectations but because it has just blown my mind away!

Pretty high praise from a teenager, don’t you think?

* * *

Looking ahead, Ryan and I intend to create a Main Street Philanthropy “movement” that will change students’ and families’ lives coast to coast and will produce a new generation of thoughtful, generous givers. We believe we need more philanthropists on Main Street as well as on Park Avenue, and we’ve found the way to do that.

Within the next year, we plan to recruit 100 “Main Street Philanthropy Ambassadors,” who share our vision of changing the world by changing the hearts of teenagers and young adults. This initial cadre of MSP Ambassadors will be an elite group who are ready to make a mark in their community, are looking for more energy and purpose in their work, and want to help turn today’s students into tomorrow’s philanthropists and community volunteer leaders.

We envision the role of these MSP Ambassadors this way:

• They are experienced and successful professionals who step away from their own business for an hour or two a week to work with a classroom full of “philanthropists in training.” • They draw inspiration from the youthful enthusiasm of their students.
• They understand that thoughtful giving produces profound transformation: it changes the lives of individual students and then the culture of an entire school and community.
• They rub shoulders with the “movers and shakers” in their community as they identify teaching opportunities, round up resources, and guide students, teachers, donors, and parents to deliver much-needed funds to local front-line organizations.
• They recognize that being innovative, generous, and well-rounded as they reach out and give back to their community will help their own business to grow organically.
• They benefit from collaborating with like-minded professionals all across the country to achieve one single audacious goal: to develop and inspire the next generation of philanthropists by helping students experience the joy of giving and serving.

In addition to joining with 100 like-minded professionals, we also intend within the next year to raise enough money to endow this movement with long-term sustainability.We have been given a generous boost in this quest by a donor family who has pledged that for the next 90 days, they will match every dollar donated to Main Street Philanthropy with $1.50, and for the following 90 days they will match donations dollar for dollar. That should get us off and running.

We know we’ve got a lot of toil ahead of us, but this promises to be the adventure of a lifetime. If you want to join us in our journey and you’re not afraid of hard work, I’d love to hear from you. Start by visiting our website,www.MainStreetPhil.org and then give me a call at 407-593-2386.

We are starting to enjoy some wonderful publicity. See the article in the Orlando Sentinel by David Breen, “Harmony High Students Learn How Charity Can Make a Difference,” http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/education/os-harmony-high-charity-program-20130403,0,6532950.story.

In addition, Ryan and I have been invited to speak on April 25 at the annual convention of the International Association of Advisors in Philanthropy in Las Vegas. http://www.advisorsinphilanthropy.org/events/event_details.asp?id=282598. I hope to see you there.

Focus on Giving Rather than Receiving

Helpful Hints from Harmony

“Life is Good When You Live in Harmony”

(A word of explanation: I live in a little place called Harmony, Florida, where life is a bit slower and nature is right outside our door. I’m also familiar with another Harmony, which isn’t a place at all but a way of being. This year I’d like to share 12 simple lessons I’ve learned from my time in Harmony.)

Helpful Hint #3: Focus on Giving Rather than Receiving

Deep and lasting joy comes from giving and sharing. The sweet and ironic arithmetic of mindful giving is that both the giver and the receiver are added to and edified by the process.

Thus the happiest people I know consistently give of themselves to address the needs of others. As they do, they discover that their own needs are abundantly met.

If we give from the heart — regardless of what we give — the very act of giving blesses us in wonderful ways. The generative, life-enhancing power of giving renews us and invigorates us whether we share our time, talents, compassion, or money.

The words of the poet Helen Steiner Rice remind us that we all have great wealth from which to draw, no matter the size of our bank account. She calls these non-financial endowments “heart gifts,” and she urges us to freely share them.

It's not the things that can be bought

That are life's richest treasure,

It's just the little "heart gifts" That money cannot measure…

A cheerful smile, a friendly word,

A sympathetic nod

Are priceless little treasures

From the storehouse of our God…

They are the things that can't be bought

With silver or with gold,

For thoughtfulness and kindness

And love are never sold…

They are the priceless things in life

For which no one can pay,

And the giver finds rich recompense

In giving them away.

Winston Churchill was right when he said, “We make a living by what we get; but we make a life by what we give.” Thoughtful giving makes a person come alive and develops more substance in the giver. Thus those who give are more likely to “find themselves” because there is more to be found.

One of the reasons life is good when you live in Harmony is that being there affords the time and environment to recognize the needs of those around you and the opportunity to reach out and address those needs. There is, indeed, rich recompense in giving away life’s greatest treasures

Focus on Purpose Rather than Pain or Pleasure

Helpful Hints from Harmony

“Life is Good When You Live in Harmony”

(A word of explanation: I live in a little place called Harmony, Florida, where life is a bit slower and nature is right outside our door. I’m also familiar with another Harmony, which isn’t a place at all but a way of being. This year I’d like to share 12 simple lessons I’ve learned from my time in Harmony.)

Helpful Hint #2: Focus on Purpose Rather than Pain or Pleasure

We have an interesting method in our church for raising funds to care for the poor and needy. On the first Sunday of the month, we observe “Fast Sunday,” during which we abstain from food for 24 hours and donate the value of those meals missed (or more) to the bishop as a “Fast Offering.”

Without the right attitude, fasting can be agonizing. As teenagers, my brothers and I felt that Fast Sunday was the longest, most excruciating day of the month. We’d glare at the clock, willing those hands to move more quickly, growing hungrier by the minute. But no matter how much we glared, the time would just drag on and on.

On one of those dreadful first Sunday afternoons, waiting for the clock to strike four so we could finally eat, a younger brother whined to our mother, “But Mom, it’s called the wrong thing. It’s not Fast Sunday, it’s Slow Sunday.”

Sensing a teaching moment, she pointed out that the time would pass more quickly and we would grow spiritually from the process if before we started our fast we would identify a desired blessing or a meaningful reason for our fasting and then focus on that. If we did not, she warned, it would always be an ordeal because “fasting without a spiritual purpose is just going hungry.”

It turns out that Mom’s wise instruction about Fast Sunday is one of the keys to an abundant and meaningful life. Doing just about anything without a deeper purpose will leave us empty, hungry for something more.

In his masterful poem “If,” Rudyard Kipling referred to “Triumph and Disaster” as “two imposters.” In a similar way, I believe pain and pleasure are also imposters: they may seem at times to be what life is all about. If we obsess about either one of them, we miss the real meaning and ultimate joy of life. Focusing on purpose pulls the mask off these charlatans.

Everyone experiences their share of pain. The Gospel of St. John promises that “in this life, ye shall have tribulation.” But it need not crush us. When it shows up, we can bear it and even thrive in it by discovering a deeper purpose within it. I have found that asking myself, “What am I to learn from this experience?” transforms trial into tutelage.

“Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.” “Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.” Viktor Frankl. We can endure any sorrow or suffering if we recognize that it carries us to a higher place.

As for the other imposter, I believe pleasure for pleasure’s sake and a single-minded emphasis on pleasure is a sure recipe for shallowness and eventually emptiness and loneliness.

Please understand that I have no quarrel with having a good time and partaking of the richness that life has to offer. Happy, vibrant experiences are the fortunate by-product of a purposeful life. But when they become an end unto themselves, the pursuit of them drains away the possibility of lasting joy.

I love what Helen Keller and John William Gardner said of the subject. “Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” “Storybook happiness involves every form of pleasant thumb-twiddling; true happiness involves full use of one’s powers and talents.”

I have found that the key to a rich, abundant life is to find purpose in each moment — whether pleasant or painful — by seeing each within the context of the bigger picture. Without a larger, longer perspective, the particulars of life can overwhelm us. But when we focus on purpose, all the pieces fall into place and make wonderful sense.

George Bernard Shaw got it right when he said, “This is the true joy in life: being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live.”

Focus on People Rather than Things.

Helpful Hints from Harmony

“Life is Good When You Live in Harmony”

(A word of explanation: I live in a little place called Harmony, Florida, where life is a bit slower and nature is right outside our door. I’m also familiar with another Harmony, which isn’t a place at all but a way of being. This year I’d like to share 12 simple lessons I’ve learned from my time in Harmony.)

Helpful Hint #1: Focus on People Rather than Things.

When I look for a good place to invest my resources, one of my top criteria is whether it will deliver value over the long haul. By that measure, it makes a lot of sense to invest in human relationships.

I believe that when we leave this life we take only three things with us: our character, our wisdom, and our relationships. It’s pretty certain that we don’t take any of our stuff. I love the way Billy Graham puts it: “I’ve never seen a U-Haul truck in a funeral procession.”

I disagree with the bumper sticker that reads: “Life is a game and he who finishes with the most toys wins.” All too often the holder of the most toys has left a trail of broken promises and shattered relationships. In many cases he spends his later years grumpy and alone.

Unfortunately, toys break, shiny chariots get rusty, and jewels can be stolen. He who spends his strength collecting things may find in the end that he has a large collection of them — but little else that matters.

Don’t get me wrong. I like pretty things and intriguing objects as much as the next guy. Personal objects can often provide the means to engage others and to expand our influence. For example, a good friend of mine uses his beautiful bass boat as a tool to spend quality time with family and friends. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But when we set our hearts on things and let them get in the way of the significant people in our lives, we run the risk of damaging what is most important. Rvel Howell said it well. “People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The greatest tragedy in the world is that we use people and love things.”

I have observed that those who love people, who lift them up and give service back, are constantly surrounded by the warmth of family and friends. They live healthier, happier, and longer lives. They have shelter in the storm and light in the gloomy night.

When we focus on people rather than things, we discover that whatever we have is plenty. A shared loaf is twice as tasty and a shared memory lasts ten times as long. That’s what I call an exceptional return on investment.

Lessons from a Venerable Old Gentleman

 

One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2013 is to be more patient and attentive to my dear wife Marcie. Here’s an experience that helped me understand why that is so important.

We were rushing down a narrow road on a sunny Sunday morning. Marcie had taken longer to get ready than usual, and with her arthritis, she requires a little extra time to get to the car. I was intent on making up the time as we left for church.

In Central Florida we often must slow down to accommodate our senior citizens. But when an old timer stepped onto the highway directly ahead of us that morning, it irritated me.

His grey suit was rather worn and tattered and his gait was a bit stiff, but he held his head high. His air of authority left me no choice but to hit the brakes.

“I wish this old fellow realized we’re in a hurry,” I blurted.

“Honey, just be patient,” Marcie counseled.

He walked across the first lane, then halted squarely in the middle of the road, fully erect. A car from the other direction was also forced to stop.

“The nerve of this character!” I said. “He acts like he owns the place. Now he’s got the whole road blocked.”

He looked back over his shoulder. Our gaze followed his to see his partner was a few yards behind him, limping slowly and with great effort.

“Look, he’s stopping traffic so she can cross safely,” my wife observed. “What a sweet, caring gentleman.”

Looking more closely, we discovered why she was hobbling.

I saw she had no foot on her right leg, just a stump. “Oh my gracious, she’s walking on a stump!”

It took several minutes for her to pass in front of us. Only when she was safe did he leave his post in the middle of the road. Then they continued on their way, side by side.

Watching them together, my impatience dissipated and my heart melted at this amazing example of devotion and commitment.

But now let me share with you the rest of the story.

The venerable old gentleman was a sand hill crane. Around here, we see these birds frequently and virtually always in pairs.

That’s because sand hill cranes mate for life. They are fiercely protective of their partners. They care for each other even when their coats are not as shiny and their bodies not as perfect as they once were. They do not abandon companionships that become dated or difficult or inconvenient. They remain loyal to the end.

This gentleman’s example of commitment and compassion and selflessness is one that all of us would do well to emulate. In our culture of throwaway relationships, it’s reassuring to be reminded by a so-called “lesser” specie that, even through thick and thin, marriages can last a lifetime — perhaps an eternity.