Wednesday Wisdom - A Sister or a Brother is a Built-in Friend

A SISTER OR A BROTHER IS A BUILT-IN FRIEND   "Children of the same family, with the same first associations and habits, have some means of enjoyment in their power, which no subsequent connections can supply." Jane Austen         Last week, business took me to my home state of New Mexico to facilitate a Family Council Meeting and Family Foundation Meeting in Santa Fe with a client family from Oklahoma. Afterwards I spent a few days with five of my own brothers and sisters who still live in the Land of Enchantment. It was deeply nourishing on many levels. Ours was a large "yours, mine, and ours" family, with 13 siblings altogether. I was the second of my parents' seven children. My older brother Alan was killed on his bike by a drunk hit-and-run driver when he was 8 and I was 6. Two years later, my mother died of throat cancer. About a year after that, my father Marion married Elaine, a widow whose husband had died of leukemia. She brought her five children into the mix. Marion and Elaine worked long and hard to meld us into a unified family. That idea eventually took root and we came to fully believe it. The birth of our youngest brother, Brent, helped to weld us together. Technically we may be wholes, halfs, and steps, but we don't think of ourselves that way. We're just brothers and sisters. Before last week, I hadn't seen my brothers and sisters since our most recent siblings-and-spouses' reunion two years ago in Illinois, when we took this picture. My visits with each of them were deep and rich and soul-satisfying. It's easy to "get down to the lick log," as they say in the South, when you've been through what we've experienced together. The passing of the years and the extended distance don't change that. We've gotten slower and grayer, but that doesn't diminish our profound and timeless connection. We love being together. There's a unique and unbreakable bond among us. Clara Ortega's description fits the relationship we now share: "To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we really are. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time." It's a powerful thing to be with a group who all understand where we came from because we all came from there together. I'm beginning to appreciate the implications of Susan Scarf Merrell's observation that "[o]ur brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn of our personal stories to the inevitable dusk." We're not completely over the hill and we haven't faded into the sunset just yet, but as we approach our twilight years, it's comforting and reassuring to know we're not traveling that road alone. We're part of a circle of built-in friends. We are brothers and sisters. I think Marion and Elaine would be proud of what we've become.

Wednesday Wisdom - Old Glory: Messy and Resilient

OLD GLORY - MESSY AND RESILIENT
 

"I believe that our Constitution is inspired and that it is based on principles that are timeless and universal. This is the reason why 95% of all written constitutions throughout the world are modeled after our Constitution." Stephen R. Covey

   

To the casual observer, the political scene these days seems fierce and messy, and indeed it is. There is serious and continuous rancor between and within the political parties; between the President and the Congress; between the House and the Senate; between the President and the courts; between the federal government and the states; and between the elected politicians and the professional bureaucracies. The press and the media have gone far beyond reporting the contention to becoming combatants themselves (although some would argue that they always have been but now have cast aside the guise of neutrality.)  It's almost sickening to watch.

I, for one, however, am not distressed by this unseemly scene. In fact, I believe our federal system of government was intentionally built to work this way and as long as it continues to do so, our nation will survive and thrive. Let me explain.

George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and those other geniuses who gathered in Philadelphia in 1777 to revise and ultimately replace the Articles of Confederation, understood first-hand the dangers of an efficient and all-powerful monarch. Their vision was to create a "government of the people, by the people, and for the people," unlike anything else on the face of the earth.

These post-revolutionary patriots were no strangers to political conflict. As they met and sketched out the future of their country, they were required to balance and accommodate the competing and entrenched interests of small states and large states; Northern states and Southern states; delegates who wanted a strong central government and delegates who wanted a weak central government; those who trusted the will of the common people and those committed to government by the elites; those who wanted to copy the British model and those who wanted nothing to do with it; and many other contrasting viewpoints.

The wise and inspired structure they fashioned divided and disbursed the various levers of power among different branches of government and between the states and the national government. These competing interests were woven into an intricate tapestry of checks and balances that prevents too much power from accruing to any one official or group by pitting it against the interests of other officials, branches, and levels of government.

Their system also empowered individuals and non-governmental organizations to hold government in check by expressly safeguarding the right to vote, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of assembly, the sanctity of jury trials, the right to bear arms, and a long list of additional citizen-based rights and protections. They designed a limited government that would be subservient to the very citizenry it governed, an idea radically novel for its time that has become the gold standard for good governments everywhere.

The result of their magnificent efforts is a gloriously messy and inefficient system. As they intended, our government can't move forward unless a substantial plurality of citizens and officials agree on a given issue. Where a question is hotly debated and not clearly decided, government doesn't act. Is it sloppy and sometimes wasteful? Yes, indeed. But as humorist Will Rogers once insightfully quipped, "Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for." That's the point of what our forefathers created - getting less government rather than more.

As frustrating and exasperating as this can be at times, the alternative would be governmental policies that vacillated wildly with the changing whims of the majority or the dictatorial leader of the moment. The rights of the minority would be under constant threat, and the reassuring political climate that is essential for growth and prosperity would be swept away. Much of what we have come to expect and appreciate as "the American way of life" could not survive in such a climate.

This model has been "stress-tested" in situations far more volatile and far more dangerous than today's tense environment. It has survived and "worked" through the westward expansion of the nation; during the bitter fight over the abolition of slavery and the Civil War; for the duration of the long decades of Reconstruction; as we fought two World Wars, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, and the long and tense Cold War; and throughout the terrorist onslaught of the 21st Century. It has stood the test of time.

Notwithstanding all the messiness - or to be more accurate - because of all the messiness, the United States of America is strong and resilient, a beacon to the world. It has provided us fortunate Americans with the highest levels of individual freedoms, the greatest degree of self-determination, and the most extraordinary material abundance the world has ever known. In fact, in the long history of this planet, no country has even come close to delivering to its citizens the measure of blessings we Americans enjoy. On this Fourth of July, I concur with Calvin Coolidge, who said, "To live under the American Constitution is the greatest political privilege that was ever accorded to the human race."

God Bless America!

Wednesday Wisdom--Find Your Core Joys: Some Father's Day Advice to My Grown Children--Part 3

Find Your Core Joys:  Some Father's Day Advice to My Grown Children - Part 3       

    

"God has blessed me with an amazing family, friends, and work colleagues that have been my joy, my support, and my sanity.  I don't know what I'd do without them."  Josie Loren  

  

Continued from last Wednesday . . .

Dear Children,

Over the past two weeks I've recommended that you create a written inventory of the activities that make YOU happy, and that you evaluate the quality and depth of happiness each of these activities gives you using "The Farnsworth Felicity Scale." (Remember, if you want to use different words or move the words around on the scale to suit your own personal lexicon, that's OK.)


 

This will allow you to apply the first two of three "stupidly simple and duh-obvious" principles that have the potential to greatly increase your overall happiness. They are:

1: Different things make different people happy.

2: There are different levels or degrees of happiness.

Here are the links for those articles in case you missed them:

http://scottfarnsworthsunbridge.blogspot.com/2017/06/wednesday-wisdom-find-and-share-your.html
 
http://scottfarnsworthsunbridge.blogspot.com/2017/06/wednesday-wisdom-find-and-share-your_21.html
 

In this week's article, I'd like you to consider how to apply in your own lives the third principle:

3: Life is sweeter when we share our core joys.

Once you've identified your "core joys," keep your list on the top of your mind. Pay attention to the Felicity Scale as you choose your friends and associates. Pray that God will bring to your attention those who share those same joys. And when you find those people, hug them and keep them close. Life is more fulfilling when you work with, play with, and live with people who find joy in the same things.

By way of illustration, I have a cousin who is a woman of adventure. That's one of her core joys. She has gathered a circle of close friends who share her love of outdoor challenges, and they are constantly hiking, camping, and exploring. From her photographs and stories, it is apparent that her happiness is multiplied as she and her cohorts enjoy their adventures together.

This issue is especially critical as you choose your life partner.  I recently wrote to one of my younger children:

I will suggest that seeking someone who shares your core joys will be one of the most important things you can do to have a sweet and joyful marriage. For example, one of your core joys (in my view) is being generous. It oozes out of you and brings great meaning to your life. You love to serve the elderly, the overlooked, and the less-fortunate. Now let's suppose you were "unequally yoked" to someone who did not share this as one of their "core joys." It's easy to see the kind of tension this would create in your family.

You can be on different pages in lots of ways that won't ultimately make much difference. However, if you are mismatched in your core joys, all the other similarities won't help that much.

I have thought a lot about why Marcie and I have enjoyed such a sweet, harmonious marriage, and I believe this issue is the key. In our early years, most who met us thought we were a completely asymmetric couple and many even expressed the thought out loud. I was a socially awkward farm boy from New Mexico who had never gone anywhere or done anything, and she was an outgoing Southern Belle with a much broader world experience. Our personalities were polar opposites.

But notwithstanding our outward differences, we just seemed to click from the moment we met. We found joy in the same things, and we were both very intentional about finding someone who shared those same core joys. As a result, from the beginning of our marriage we were close and supportive, and we have consistently remained so through the years. We have lived a joyful life together.

Thus, my formula for enjoying greater happiness in life is to understand and apply these three principles:

1: Different things make different people happy.

2: There are different levels or degrees of happiness.

3: Life is sweeter when we share our core joys.

The implementation of these principles is not extraordinarily difficult or beyond the reach of anyone. The ability to identify and prioritize core joys and surround ourselves with others who share them are essential keys to an abundant and rewarding life. Far beyond wealth, power, prestige, or material possessions, these steps will largely determine the quality of our time here on earth. 

Wednesday Wisdom - Find and Share Your Core Joys: Some Father's Day Advice to My Grown Children - Part 2

Find and Share Your Core Joys:  Some Father's Day Advice to My Grown Children - Part 2
 

"There is an expiration date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you."  J. K. Rowling 

  

Continued from last Wednesday . . .

Dear Children,

Last week I wrote that I have made three "stupidly simple and duh-obvious" observations about people, and that if you were to understand and apply these three principles in your lives, they would greatly increase your overall happiness. The first principle I mentioned is:

Principle No. 1: Different things make different people happy.

I invited you to thoughtfully inventory the activities that make you happy and to make a written list of those activities. I encouraged you to ask yourself, "When I am doing _________, I feel pleasure, happiness, or joy." I asked you to remember that this is your list and no one else needs to approve or disapprove.

This week, I want you to evaluate the activities on your list as you apply the second principle:

Principle No. 2: There are different levels or degrees of happiness.

Some things we do are fun, amusing, or simply pass the time. Other things we do have deep and lasting impact, with life-long or even eternal consequences. Other things are somewhere between these two contrasts.

I think a wholesome life includes a healthy mix of these activities. It is true, as the old saying goes, that "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," but it is equally true that, "all play and no work make Jack a poor and spoiled boy." Balance is required.

Let me introduce you to "The Farnsworth Felicity Scale." I picture a continuum of activities that add to our sense of well-being. On one end I see "having a good time." Near that is "present pleasure." Next on the scale is "gladness." Moving to the right is "happiness," followed by "great happiness." Then comes "bliss," and on the other end is "pure joy."


 

           

When I use the term "pure joy" I'm talking about those things that, at the very core of your being, fill you with deep meaning, a sense of purposefulness, and lasting satisfaction. These are things of enormous importance that lead to long-term happiness. When you do those things, you feel that you are being true to yourself and you are making a difference in the grand scheme of things.

I don't want to get tangled up in semantics; different people may use these various terms slightly differently. If you want to move the words around on the scale to suit your own personal lexicon, that's OK. The point is that different types of activities create different types of felicity or happiness for each of us. 

Now take the activities list you made in Step 1 and place each activity somewhere along the continuum of The Farnsworth Felicity Scale. With each activity, ask yourself, "When I do ____________, what is the length, breadth, and depth of the good feelings I experience? In what way and to what degree does this activity add to the quality of my life?"

Just as the list you made is for you and you alone, this process of evaluating the activities on your list is likewise for you and you alone. With any luck, it will give you significant insight about yourself, and lead you to a greater understanding of how to increase the quality of your own life. One key to a better life is to spend more time doing things that make you happy and less time doing things that make you unhappy. (Another "stupidly simple and duh-obvious" observation, I know, but how many people never seem to figure this out?)

In my experience, the most valuable outcome from this exercise is to identify for yourself those things that are located on the far right of your scale. Hopefully you will find a cluster of related activities that fit in the "pure joy" area of the scale. These I call your "core joys."

Identifying your core joys is one of the great discoveries of life. When you know what activities give you pure joy, you can start to focus on them. A second key to a better life is to spend more time doing things that give you a deeper, more meaningful, longer-lasting level of happiness. When you tailor your life by devoting more energy and time toward your core joys, you end up compounding your joy. That's when life becomes rich and sweet.

This should give you plenty to think about for the next seven days. Next week I'll talk about:

Principle No. 3: Life is sweeter when we share our core joys.

To Be Continued . . . . 

Wednesday Wisdom: Find and Share Your Core Joys - Part 1: Father's Day Advice to My Grown Children

Find and Share Your Core Joys - Part 1:  Father's Day Advice to My Grown Children       

    

"When I was 14 my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."  Mark Twain 

   

This is an open letter to my six adult children.  They are pictured above, dancing together last year at their cousin's wedding.  It makes me happy that they find joy in being with each other.  I hope that they, like Mark Twain, have found that their father has learned a thing or two with the passing years.

* * * * *

Dear Children,

I love being a father, and I love being your father. I love each of you individually and all of you collectively.  My greatest desire is your happiness. 

There was a time in your lives when your mother and I felt we had both the capability and the responsibility to help mold you into the kind of adults you would eventually become. That stage has passed. Now as adults you are who you are and it is up to you if you wish to change yourselves. 

Over the years I have made certain "stupidly simple and duh-obvious" observations about people. I believe that if you were to understand and apply these three principles in your lives, they would greatly increase your overall happiness.  My advice today is that you pay close attention to the you that you have become and consider how these principles can help you enjoy the kind of life you want for yourself.

Principle No. 1: Different things make different people happy.

To apply this principle, I invite you to thoughtfully inventory the activities that make you happy and commit that list to writing. Think about the times and circumstances that made you smile inside and out. Remember the magical moments of your life and consider what made them sparkle. Peel apart those blockbuster occasions and discover the essence of the experience for you.

Focus on what you were doing, not on what you owned, what you were wearing or driving, or even where you were at the time. Ask yourself, "When I am doing _________, I feel great happiness or joy." This is primarily an activities list.

Writing down your ideas is important. Putting pen to paper will help crystallize and clarify your thinking and feelings. Don't allow them to merely swim around untethered in your head.

Don't rush this task, but likewise, don't delay getting started. Get the process underway and then let it marinate for several days. Take plenty of time to make as detailed and extensive a list as possible. Remember, this is your list and no one else needs to approve or disapprove.

Principle No. 2: There are different levels or degrees of happiness.

Principle No. 3: Life is sweeter when we share our core joys.

To Be Continued . . . . 

Wednesday Wisdom - Slim Pickins in the Blackberry Patch

SLIM PICKINS IN THE BLACKBERRY PATCH      

    

"If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain?"  Tom Barrett  

 

Wild blackberries are 85% water. So when it didn't rain here in Harmony during the months of April and May, I knew my "crop" was in trouble.

During my walks through the woods during this short-term drought, I noticed lots of dead blackberry bushes, then few blossoms on the living plants, then small and shriveled green berries in mid-May when the branches are usually loaded with ripe, plump fruit. I pretty much wrote off picking wild blackberries this year.

But 10 days ago the weather patterns shifted. It started to rain nearly every day. And not just spotty showers but real drenching, soaking rain. The kind of rain that ruins Orlando theme-park vacations and trips to the beach. But nourishes wild blackberry plants.

Early Saturday morning I slipped into my thorn-resistant picking gear and headed to the woods. I didn't expect to find much - maybe just enough to sprinkle on my cereal that day - but was I surprised! The last-minute moisture had quickly found its way up the prickly stems and into the berries themselves. There still weren't many berries, but the ripe ones I found were large and fat and juicy. The kind that fill your bucket quickly.

In 90 minutes I had a gallon or so, enough to sweeten my cereal and top my Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream and maybe even bake a yummy cobbler. (Unfortunately, friends and neighbors, not enough this year to give away to others or sell at the local farmers market like I usually do.)

So if the weather messed up your recent trip to Disney or Universal or Wild Florida or Cocoa Beach, I'm really sorry. If it makes you feel any better, please know that your loss was my gain. Those last-minute rains salvaged this year's wild blackberry harvest in Harmony.

Wednesday Wisdom - Our Guardian Angels and The Last Full Measure of Devotion - A Memorial Day Tribute

OUR GUARDIAN ANGELS AND THE LAST FULL MEASURE OF DEVOTION - A Memorial Day Tribute     

    

"We here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth." Abraham Lincoln

 

"Angel Flight" is the call sign for a USAF C-130, carrying a fallen hero on board. Their "salute" with flares looks like an angel with wings.

* * * * *

I never served in the armed forces. I came of age toward the end of the Vietnam War. I supported the war, I registered for the draft, and I would have served if drafted. By the time it was my turn to face the draft, the Selective Service System had initiated a lottery to establish a priority for those to be called up for military service. I received a very high lottery number, which meant I wasn't drafted. I went on with my education and my missionary service.

As a result, I never experienced the horrors of combat and the prospect of an early death in a faraway war. I am deeply grateful for those who did serve, and especially for those who gave "the last full measure of devotion" for our freedom. I fear, however, that anything I might say besides "Thank you from the bottom of my heart" might seem shallow and almost inappropriate compared to those who went "over there" and especially those who did not return home to their loved ones.

I see them as guardian angels who stood stalwart in the face of tyranny and protected our American way of life with their own blood. Like Lincoln, I "highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth." 

This nation is the last great hope of freedom on the earth. It is a beacon, a city on a hill that calls out to and gives hope to freedom-loving, law-abiding, and God-fearing people everywhere. It must be preserved to fulfill that role.

I pledge to do my part to keep alive the memory of those who gave their all to keep me and my children and my children's children free. Thank you, guardian angels, for your service. Thank you for your sacrifice for the cause of freedom. Thank you for your devotion, your "last full measure of devotion," to our beloved country. On this Memorial Day I salute you.