3-GEN Planning and Transformation

In their groundbreaking book The Experience Economy, authors B. Joseph Pine II and James H. Gilmore pontificate at some length about how to turn work into theater and every business into a stage.  The aim, they say, it to give customers an exceptional experience.  In their “Progression of Economic Value,” creating experiences is “the fourth economy,” the first three being extracting commodities, making goods, and delivering services.

Yet in Chapter Nine they acknowledge that “Experiences are not the ultimate economic offering.”  Notwithstanding the title of their book, they recognize there is something even more valuable than creating client experiences: 

“Transformations are a distinct economic offering, the fifth and final one in our Progression of Economic Value.”

Pine and Gilmore cite a number of interesting examples of businesses already in the transformation business, including martial arts instructors.

Perhaps martial arts teachers are the first experience stagers to realize the transformational powers of their offerings.  Many parents allow, encourage, or even force their children to join such programs as karate, kung fu, and tae kwon do [because] they desire to instill the proper respect and self-control in their offspring.  Masters of martial arts promise not only to teach the skills of their ancient pursuits but to provide a set of rules by which students must live.  As the business manager of one such establishment declares, when parents come for enrollment they’re saying, “Fix my kid.” (p. 167, emphasis added)

The authors make a compelling case for moving toward the apex of economic value, the Transformation Economy.

While commodities are fungible, goods tangible, services intangible, and experiences memorable, transformations are effectual.  All other economic offerings have no lasting consequences beyond their consumption.  Even the memories of an experience fade over time.  But buyers of transformations seek to be guided toward some specific aim or purpose, and transformations must elicit the intended effect.  And this change should be not just in degree but in kind, not just in function but in structure.  The transformation affects the very being of the buyer. (p. 172)

People value transformation above all other economic offerings because it addresses the ultimate source of all other needs: why the buyer desires the commodities, goods, services, and experiences he purchases. (p. 172)

With transformations, the customer is the product!  The individual buyer of the transformation essentially says, “Change me.”  The company’s economic offering is neither the materials it uses nor the physical things it makes.  It’s neither the processes it executes nor the encounters it orchestrates.  When a company guides transformation, the offering is the individual. (pp. 172-73, italics in the original)

Once the Experience Economy has run its course, the Transformation Economy will take over.  Then the basis of success will be in understanding the aspirations of individual consumers and businesses and guiding them to fully realize those aspirations. (p. 173, emphasis added)

So what does this have to do with SunBridge 3-GEN Planning?

SunBridge 3-GEN Planning addresses glaring weaknesses and vulnerabilities in the business models of estate planners and asset managers, namely that fact that 90% of multigenerational estate plans fail, as evidenced by the dissipation of the family’s wealth and the loss of family solidarity by the third generation, and the further fact that professional wealth advisors lose the management of their client’s assets upon the client’s death 98% of the time. 

The solution to these problems and the underlying premise of SunBridge 3-GEN Planning is a simple, readily-observable fact of human nature: PEOPLE BEHAVE BETTER WHEN THEIR GRANDCHILDREN ARE IN THE ROOM.

By including clients’ grandchildren in the estate planning or asset management process, SunBridge 3-GEN Planning can get grandparents and grandchildren (and of course the in-between generation, the children) working together, learning together, discussing together the big issues that should be talked about but usually aren’t.  Through this approach, we can overcome issues of secrecy and control and the objectification and infantilization of the clients’ children and grandchildren, troubling issues that have overshadowed the traditional planning experience and ruined it for everyone.  Involving all three generations together changes the planning experience entirely!

But beyond that, I have seen that having the grandchildren in the room creates a very real opportunity to transform the family.  If our clients are crying out in their hearts “FIX MY KIDS AND GRANDKIDS, PLEASE!” — and they usually are — the SunBridge 3-GEN Planning model creates an environment where real and lasting change can be effected.

I see this approach to planning as a grand opportunity for estate planners and financial advisors who want to be the catalyst for valuable and long-term transformation.  I have found great personal and professional satisfaction in facilitating significant shifts in family relationships and cultures and in helping clients navigate tricky business and family transitions. 

It requires a new mind-set, new skills, and new tools to operate in this environment, but most of those are already available through the SunBridge Network.  I invite you to join us in this work.

Beautiful Questions from SunBridge — A Whole New Breed of Workshop

I’ve long been a student of the art of great questions.  Several years ago I coined the term “Story-Leading Questions” to describe queries that lead to sharing narratives.  My friend and mentor Nancy Kline has taught me about what she calls “Incisive Questions,” and explained that “the human mind works best in the presence of a question.” 

Flying back recently from teaching a “Family Generosity Day” in Albuquerque, my good friend and multigenerational planning partner Mike Cummins introduced me to Warren Berger’s fascinating new book, A More Beautiful Question.  I just finished it and I highly recommend it. 

Berger’s most compelling achievement in the book is his description of the “Why — What If — How” sequence of questions.  He describes these three types of questions. 

Why? This question lets you confront a problem, articulate the challenge at hand, and try to understand it better. Why does a particular situation exist? Why does it present a problem? Why has no one addressed this problem?

What If? While why questions help us understand our present reality, what if questions help us envision what might be. What if I come at this problem from a different direction? What if I tried some combination of X and Y? What if I borrow an idea from an unrelated area?

How? Now you begin to turn speculation into reality. How questions tend to be practical and actionable. How can I get this done? How might I take the first steps? If my idea isn’t working, how can I figure out what’s wrong and fix it?

He employs a wide variety of examples to explain how innovators go through this three-question pattern on their way to breakout thinking.

As I read Berger’s book, I found myself in familiar territory.  Although I had never articulated what I had been doing like he does, I recognized the pattern from my own experience.  Here’s what I mean:

A.    Why?

At SunBridge, we provide training, tools, and support for two different but sometimes overlapping groups of professional advisors:  estate planners and asset managers.  For each group, I have been wrestling for years with a very troubling “Why” question that profoundly affects the long-term viability of their businesses. 

For estate planners, I’ve been wondering:

Why do 90% of multigenerational estate plans fail, as evidenced by the dissipation of the family’s wealth and the loss of family solidarity by the third generation?

This is a critical indictment of an entire industry.  If a surgeon told me that his surgeries were unsuccessful 9 times out of 10, I doubt I would go under the knife.  If a pilot told me there was only a 10% chance we would land safely at our intended destination, I absolutely wouldn’t get on the plane.  With those odds, no wonder most adult Americans have done no estate planning.

For asset managers, my “Why?” question has been:

Why do professional wealth advisors lose the management of their client’s assets upon the client’s death 98% of the time?

98% is about as close to ALWAYS as you can get.  I’ve told wealth advisors for many years, perhaps a little tongue in cheek, that their most serious competitor is the undertaker — because Mr. Mortician will win 98% of the time.  With some $30 trillion shifting down through the generations in the next three decades, the success or failure of most asset managers will likely turn on how well they can swim upstream against that 98% current.

To me, these are life and death questions for these two industries.  Certainly the status quo is not acceptable.  Why does it have to be this way?  What can we do about it?

I’ve attended lots of high-powered conferences in which a bunch of very smart people spend days wringing their hands over these twin problems.  Unfortunately, nothing I’ve heard so far in the way of answers seems workable.  Most of the proposed solutions are just flat-out wrong, don’t go nearly far enough, or are much too unrealistic or esoteric to ever be implemented. 

On this subject, I agree with Dr. Seuss.  “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”  Notwithstanding all the conferences and all the books seeking to explain and answer those problems, I felt there was something really elementary that could fix both of them.  I asked myself, “What are we assuming that is stopping us from seeing the simple and obvious solution?”

That’s where, months before ever reading his book, I unwittingly employed Berger’s second step, the What-If question.

B.     What If?

As it turned out, to find that simple answer I knew was lurking just around the corner, all I had to do was ask myself a simple and obvious What If? question.  The answer was staring me in the face.

In my 62 years on the planet and my 35 years in the business, I have observed time and again that PEOPLE BEHAVE BETTER WHEN THEIR GRANDCHILDREN ARE IN THE ROOM.  

They are more kind.  They are less selfish.  They are more flexible.  They have greater patience.  They are more playful.  They have more energy and creativity.  They are more likely to forgive.  When grandchildren are in the mix, people take a more thoughtful and longer-term point of view.

They have more love.

And aren’t those the kinds of attitudes we want our clients to have when we’re working with them?

 Thus, I arrived at a simple and obvious question:

“What if advisors included clients’ grandchildren in the estate planning or asset management process?”

With that, my mind was off and running. 

I could see grandparents and grandchildren (and of course the in-between generation, the children) working together, learning together, discussing together the big issues that should be TALKED ABOUT but usually aren’t.  And who has more at stake in all of this than the children and grandchildren? 

It all seemed to fall into place. 

Finally, we could overcome issues of secrecy and control, the objectification and infantilization of the clients’ children and grandchildren, troubling issues that have overshadowed the traditional planning experience and ruined it for everyone.  Involving all three generations together could change everything!

And then in the midst of my euphoria, my mind landed on the third question:  “How?”

C.     How?

How, indeed!  How could advisors include grandchildren (and children) in the estate planning and asset management process?

What changes, large and small, would make a difference in the long-term success rate for multigenerational estate planning and multigenerational relationships for asset managers?

And that’s where the new SunBridge 3-GEN Planning Retreat fits into all this.

The SunBridge 3-GEN Planning Retreat in Orlando on June 26-27, 2014, will address those two worrisome problems faced by professional advisors: 

Why do multigenerational estate plans fail 90% of the time? 

Why do professional wealth advisors lose their clients’ assets-under-management business 98% of the time upon the clients’ death? 

It will next take up my “simple and obvious” What If? question:

“What if clients’ grandchildren were included in the estate planning or asset management process?”

Then we will pose the How? question and search for answers together. 

Professional advisors who are comfortable wrestling with difficult questions and probing for answers, not just being spoon-fed by the teacher, are encouraged to attend.

I have some ideas I intend to share during the workshop that involve using existing SunBridge tools like Priceless Conversations, Angels & Heroes, the Family Philanthropic Adventure, the Time to Think Council, and others to answer the How? Question.  We’ll experiment with them and learn from those experiences.

But beyond that, I think the roomful of advisors who will show up on June 26 and 27 in Orlando will create a far richer and more diverse set of answers than has ever been seen before. 

I think when we start thinking together about how to flesh out this 3-GEN Planning model, the sky’s the limit.

I trust that when the right people get together with a great set of beautiful questions, magic can happen.  Therefore, I have faith that lightning will strike in Orlando on June 26 and 27, 2014.

While SunBridge has a reputation for producing dynamic and eye-opening workshops, I believe this brand-new SunBridge 3-GEN Planning Retreat will set a new standard for energy and creativity.

If the idea of creating something amazing by working with an outstanding collaborative of very bright and engaged advisors appeals to you, I hope you will join us. 

What will you add to the creative chemistry of this gathering?  What answers will you help us discover that we wouldn’t find without you?  What breakthroughs will we achieve with you there?

This much I know for sure — it won’t be the same without you.

For more information please visit http://www.sunbridgelegacy.com/Training.htm.

Here’s a link for registering:  http://www.mcssl.com/SecureCart/ViewCart.aspx?mid=53F4FC81-AA73-4D66-9037-7D794B8011FB&sctoken=d014b33405824675a9cb099b49cf8b84&bhcp=1

Members of the SunBridge Network can use this link to register online: http://www.mcssl.com/SecureCart/ViewCart.aspx?mid=53F4FC81-AA73-4D66-9037-7D794B8011FB&sctoken=d014b33405824675a9cb099b49cf8b84&bhcp=1

A Pattern for Joy

A Pattern for Joy

“Man is eminently a storyteller. His search for a purpose is largely a search for a plot and a pattern in the development of his life story.”  Eric Hoffer

I believe there is a pattern for finding true joy in life.  As a SunBridge 3-GEN Planner, I have come across a very small handful of people who have discovered this pattern (usually almost by accident) and are living in harmony with it. 

A few weeks ago I enjoyed several delightful hours interviewing a couple from North Carolina who clearly had found and were living the pattern.  Simply being in their presence was a treat, because they radiated happiness and fulfillment. 

Spending time with them was like discovering a warm and sunny spot out of the wind on a cool and blustery day.  We shared lots of wonderful stories and more than a few tears. 

From their example and others, I’ve learned this pattern or process has four steps:

1)      We must discover a passion outside us that is bigger and deeper than ourselves. 

There is no joy in selfishness.  Perhaps brief pleasure, but not joy. 

Those who discover the pattern for a fullness of joy are unselfish.  They inherently love many someones and somethings beyond themselves.  Then something triggers a powerful transformation inside them. 

What begins as a slow boil of caring within us is kicked into overdrive when we find a purpose and a mission outside ourselves that is much bigger than us.  Then the drive becomes relentless; it can no longer be resisted. 

This North Carolina couple loved helping children with serious illnesses and had done much already to help these young victims.  But it was the tragic loss of their own grandson that was the catalyst for supercharging their lives. 

They determined, as another joy-filled couple from Florida once explained to me, that they could either “be bitter or be better,” and they had a choice.  They chose to be better, to use the energy of their grief to make a difference in the lives of others. 

They threw themselves into their new mission because they understood first-hand what losing a young life can mean to the parents and grandparents.  They leveraged their loss into a reason to go the second mile to relieve the suffering of others.

Sadly, few people ever find their own passion, and almost none of them experience the spark that kicks in the afterburners.  They’re too busy playing with their toys, re-decorating the parlor, or jetting off on the latest ultimate vacation.

The truly joyful find the passion, experience the spark, and then take action.  In the end, that makes all the difference.

2)      We must connect with — or build if necessary — an exceptional organization that can produce life-changing results for the recipients of our passion. 

“It takes a village,” as the old saying goes, to put arms and legs and heart onto our passion.  It can’t be done alone.

Satisfying a passion that’s big enough to consume us takes time and coordination.  It requires persistence, order, and organization.  Flash-in-the-pan, fly-by-night, or one-hit-wonder passion never leads to real joy.

It’s OK to build castles in the sky, so long as we push forward to build foundations under them.  That’s why a solid, high-quality organization is so vital to bringing our passions to life.  The structure provides assistance, consistency, and longevity.

The North Carolina couple I interviewed had found such support in the Make-a-Wish Foundation.  I recently spoke at the Jimmy Carter Center in Atlanta and toured Nemours Children’s Hospital in Orlando where I recognized other similar world-class organizations.  On a smaller scale, I’ve seen the same thing in local churches and grass-roots homeless programs.

I have encountered lots of passionate people who never connect with or create an organization that can deliver life-changing experience for the objects of their passion.  As a result their passions eventually die a slow, unfulfilled death. 

3)      We must throw ourselves headlong into the passion and the organization, including time, talent and treasure, without reservation and without any concern for “what’s in it for me.” 

Those who measure their giving and service will never find the fullness of joy.  It is one of life’s paradoxes that “he that finds his life shall lose it: and he that loses his life for my sake shall find it.”

In the same vein, those who give and serve to be seen of others will likewise lose the greater prize: When you do your alms, do not sound a trumpet that you may have glory of men. Otherwise, that will be your reward.

Only those who are truly “all in” will ever experience this ultimate reward of pure joy.  This is true whether we are talking about our service to a particular charitable mission or our commitment to our marriage. Toe-dippers or those who leave part of themselves on the shore never really “get it.”

My friends from North Carolina were reluctant to fill in many details of their giving and service, but reading between the lines, it was obvious to me that for many, many years they had held nothing back.  They, in turn, had found much greater returns on their “investment,” as promised by Luke: “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over.”

4)      We must share the journey with someone we love.

I believe we humans are hard-wired to be together.  Thus, the final ingredient in the recipe for a fullness of joy is at least one other person to join in the experience with us.  Everything is richer, sweeter, and more satisfying when shared.

This is not to say that much good and much happiness can’t be achieved solo, because it can.  But there is an added element of amazing when we take the path to joy hand in hand, together with someone close to us.

It was clear with the North Carolina couple that, as wonderful as everything was in their generous, all-in quest to make a difference for “wish-kids” and their families through Make-a-Wish Foundation, the whipped cream and cherry on the top of their joyful sundae was the fact that they had done it together.

. . . .

As I see it, the path to a completeness of joy is Passion, Organization, Commitment, and Companionship.  This is the pattern.

This pattern is simple to see but difficult to achieve. But while challenging, it is not impossible.  Because I have seen others do it, I know it can be done.  It is worthy of our best efforts.

Why People Plan

“If we’re starting with the wrong questions, then even the right answers will always steer us wrong.”  Simon Sinek

 SunBridge 3-GEN Planning:  It Isn’t Complicated

I agree with Alexandra Potter when she wrote: “Life isn't complicated. It's very simple, really. It is we who make it complicated.”

That philosophy guides my work at SunBridge.  Much of what I teach in SunBridge isn’t complicated.  In fact, most of it is, as one of my students put it a few years ago, “stupidly simple and ‘duh’ obvious, but it works!”

But as with most of life’s most valuable secrets, SunBridge principles become simple and obvious only when we hear them.  Once they’ve been “discovered,” we wonder why we hadn’t seen them all along. 

More often than not, we overlook the obvious because we are “looking beyond the mark” for something more sophisticated, more glamorous, more grandiose.  A story about Christopher Columbus makes the point.

Several years after his historic discoveries, Christopher Columbus was invited to a banquet where he was treated like royalty.  By then, trips from Spain to the Americas had become somewhat commonplace.  A shallow courtier, deeply jealous of the great Admiral, sought to embarrass him by asking loudly whether, had he not discovered the West Indies, there were not many other men in Spain who would have been capable of the same thing.  After all, the whole concept of sailing west to reach east was so simple and obvious.

Columbus did not reply directly, but instead took a raw egg and invited those in the group to make it stand on end.  They all attempted it, but in vain.  He then picked up the egg and tapped it lightly on the large end so as to indent the shell only slightly.  Without a word, he left the egg standing on the indentation.  Once he had shown the way, it was easy. 

I think of SunBridge 3-GEN Planning in much the same way.  It’s obvious.  When we first hear about it, our knee jerk reaction is “well, of course, I knew that already.”  Kind of like Columbus’ egg — we knew it, but we didn’t really know it.

It’s also uncomplicated.  That is, unless we choose to make it complicated.  That usually happens when we start asking the wrong questions. 

What is SunBridge 3-GEN Planning?

It might be helpful to remind ourselves what SunBridge 3-GEN Planning is:

·        In SunBridge 3-GEN Planning, planning isn’t something we do to our family, or even for our family.  It’s something we do with our family.

·         In SunBridge 3-GEN Planning, three generations come together to create a blueprint for a happy and successful life for everyone, both today and tomorrow.

·         In SunBridge 3-GEN Planning, we bring everyone to the table and discover solutions to the family’s biggest questions.  Then we implement them.

·         In SunBridge 3-GEN Planning, planning isn’t a lecture the patriarch delivers to his posterity through a bullhorn, it’s a thoughtful and respectful conversation among all of them.

·         In SunBridge 3-GEN Planning, we stop treating the clients’ children and grandchildren as mere objects or pawns.  We treat them as real people who have a real stake in this process.

·         In SunBridge 3-GEN Planning, we stop infantilizing the clients’ children and grandchildren in a misguided quest to build a family dynasty by fiat. 

·         In SunBridge 3-GEN Planning, the advisory team assumes the role of educating and mentoring family members and guiding them into a new collaborative model of family dynamics.

Seems pretty simple and obvious, doesn’t it?  And it is, now that I’ve said it.

Where Do We Start?

Successful 3-GEN Planning (and, I would argue, all successful planning) starts in what should be an obvious place:  helping clients clarify WHY they are doing planning in the first place, figuring out the core purpose for this endeavor.

Getting clear about the WHY is critical.  Unless and until we get the WHY right, the HOW and the WHAT are impossible to figure out correctly.  It’s a lot like trying to put together a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle without the picture on the front of the box.

Now, here’s the good news.  The answer to WHY, from the clients’ perspective, “isn't complicated. It's very simple, really. It is we who make it complicated.” Alexandra Potter

Parents and grandparents who plan want something quite simple from the process.  They want the same thing that every loving, caring parent or grandparent always wants for their children and grandchildren: they want their offspring to be happy.  They want them to have a better life as a result of the planning than they would have without it.

The critical question for the planner is thus quite simple and obvious: “What does happiness and a better life look like, from both the parent’s or grandparent’s perspective and the child’s or grandchild’s perspective?”

We are headed for trouble any time we ask any other questions before we’re crystal clear about what being happy and having a better life mean to our clients and their children and grandchildren. “If we’re starting with the wrong questions, then even the right answers will always steer us wrong.”  Simon Sinek

Starting with WHY means it’s not about investments, life insurance, trustees, powers of appointment, the size of the estate, or allocating the assets within it.  It’s not about avoiding probate, reducing taxes, or placing charitable donations.  It’s not about this tactic or that strategy.  It’s about happiness and a better life for our clients and those they love.

So how do we figure out what happiness and what a better life look like, from both the parent’s or grandparent’s perspective and the child’s or grandchild’s perspective? 

Once again, the answer is simple and obvious.

We have a conversation.  We ask questions.  We facilitate a discussion.  We encourage them to tell their stories.  We listen.  We teach our clients and their families to listen, not just with their ears, but also with their hearts.  We empower everyone to speak in kindness and love from their heart.  We examine our assumptions, jettison untrue ones, and replace them with true, liberating assumptions.

How long does that take?  The answer to that question is the same answer my Mississippi wife was given when she asked her family’s ancient and beloved cook, Ora, how long to cook “upper-ground potatoes:” “Til it’s done, honey. Til it’s done.”

When we find the answer, when “it’s done,” both we and the clients will know it.  Trust me, we will know.

Once we know what happiness and a better life look like for our clients and those they love, figuring out the HOW and the WHAT may still involve a lot of work, but we’re clear what the finished product needs to look like.  We still have to put the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together, but now we can work from the picture on the front of the box.